What does the Bible say about co-parenting after divorce?
Introduction
The Bible does not contain the modern term "co-parenting" because it emphasizes the lifelong permanence of marriage. However, the Bible is a book about redemption, restoration, and practical instruction for all of life's painful realities, including divorce. When a marriage ends, the parental responsibility does not.
The Christian response to co-parenting after divorce involves applying foundational biblical commands—such as love, peace, justice, and forgiveness—to the specific, often challenging, dynamics of a post-marital family relationship. The focus shifts from sustaining a marriage to collaboratively raising the children for the Lord.
Biblical Principles for Healthy Co-Parenting
Since the Bible does not give a specific "co-parenting plan," Christians must build their approach on these core, universal commands:
1. Prioritize the Child’s Well-being (The Command to Nurture)
The most direct biblical commands regarding children involve raising them in a godly environment. This command applies regardless of the parents' marital status.
Training and Instruction: The foundational instruction remains: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). A child's spiritual and moral development takes precedence over the parents' emotional or relational conflict.
Avoid Provocation: Paul cautions against needlessly irritating children. A constant state of parental conflict is one of the quickest ways to exasperate a child. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Co-parenting is successful when parents shield the child from their personal bitterness.
2. Seek Peace and Harmony (The Command to Forgive)
The co-parenting relationship requires a Christ-like effort to move past offense and seek genuine peace with the former spouse, even if reconciliation in the marriage is not possible.
Radical Forgiveness: The command to forgive is unconditional. Though divorce often involves deep hurt, a Christian is called to release the former spouse from that debt, as Christ released us: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Forgiveness is essential for healing and for moving toward a functional co-parenting relationship.
Pursue Peace: As much as possible, a Christian is called to live in harmony with everyone, which must include the co-parent for the sake of the children. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). This means communicating respectfully, adhering to agreements, and avoiding conflict.
3. Maintain Integrity and Justice (The Command to Be Just)
Co-parenting requires fair, honest, and respectful interaction, especially when it comes to financial and legal matters.
Honoring Agreements: Upholding custody and financial agreements (child support) is a matter of justice. The Bible places a high value on keeping one’s word and dealing honestly in all matters (Proverbs 16:11). Christians should be known for their reliability.
Refusing to Slander: Slander, gossip, and destructive criticism of the co-parent to the children or to others are strictly forbidden by Scripture (Psalm 15:3). Using a child as a messenger or a spy is a sin because it puts the child in the middle of a conflict and forces them to choose loyalties. The Christian commitment is to build up, not tear down.
4. Recognize the Ultimate Authority (The Command to Submit)
A Christian co-parent recognizes that God is the ultimate Father and source of security, even when the earthly family structure is broken.
Trusting God: When a co-parenting situation is difficult, abusive, or uncooperative, the believer must rely on God's sovereignty and His ability to protect and provide. "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you" (Psalm 55:22). This helps prevent the Christian from becoming consumed by anger or anxiety over the things they cannot control.
Conclusion
While divorce is a tragedy and a departure from God's perfect plan, the co-parenting relationship offers a platform for redemption. For the Christian, co-parenting is an opportunity to put Christ-like love, patience, and forgiveness on display—not to save the marriage, but to safeguard the children's well-being and spiritual foundation.
By putting aside personal grievances, a Christian co-parent chooses to honor God by honoring the shared, lifelong commitment to raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
