Is it ethical to remain in a marriage without love?
Introduction
Modern culture views marriage primarily as a contract based on mutual fulfillment and emotional love. If the emotional connection dies, the contract is often deemed broken. The Bible, however, views marriage as a covenant—a solemn, unconditional promise made to God and one's spouse that transcends feelings.
The question of remaining in a "loveless" marriage requires the Christian to redefine love and prioritize the permanence of the vow.
Main: Two Ethical Foundations for Remaining Married
The ethical choice to remain in a marriage lacking emotional affection is supported by the biblical emphasis on covenant and the definition of true love.
1. The Priority of the Covenant Vow
The biblical standard for marriage is permanence, rooted in the words spoken on the wedding day.
A Promise to God: The marriage covenant signifies that two people have become “one flesh” (Matthew 19:6). Jesus made it clear that this union is intended to be lifelong: "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:6).
Fidelity Over Feelings: Remaining in the marriage, even when feelings have faded, is an ethical act of covenant fidelity (faithfulness). This decision honors the promise made to God and the public commitment to the spouse, which is a higher ethical duty than seeking personal emotional gratification. The prophet Malachi underscores God's concern: "For the LORD God of Israel says that he hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence” (Malachi 2:16).
2. The Nature of Agape Love
The Bible presents several types of love, but the one commanded in marriage is agape—sacrificial, intentional, and action-based love.
Agape is a Decision, Not a Feeling: Emotional love (phileo or eros) can certainly fade, but agape is a conscious, moral choice to seek the highest good for the other person, regardless of their actions or one's own feelings. This is the kind of love Christ demonstrated on the cross. Paul writes: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
The Ethical Duty: If emotional love has been lost, the Christian's ethical duty is to activate agape by continuing to act faithfully, kindly, and respectfully toward their spouse. The ethical action is to work toward reconciliation and rebuilding the relationship, not to abandon the covenant because the feeling is gone.
Essential Ethical Caveats (When Separation May Be Justified)
While emotional disinterest is not grounds for divorce, Christian ethics recognizes two exceptions that may ethically justify separation or, in limited cases, divorce:
Abuse and Safety: The marriage covenant does not demand that a person remain in a situation of physical, sexual, or severe emotional abuse. Protecting oneself and children from harm is a primary Christian duty of love and self-preservation. In these cases, separation (often permanent) is ethically necessary, though divorce remains a complex theological issue based on the church's discipline.
Abandonment: The Bible permits divorce when a non-believing spouse permanently abandons the believing spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15).
Conclusion
Is it ethical to remain in a marriage without love? Yes, it is the ethical, biblical mandate, provided the marriage is safe.
The Christian is called to honor the covenant above fleeting emotion. The ethical choice is to work to re-love your spouse through sacrificial action, trusting that fidelity to your vows honors God and is the foundation for a renewed relationship.
