Should Christians live together before marriage?
Introduction
In contemporary Western culture, living together before marriage (cohabitation) is often viewed as a normal, financially smart, or necessary step to "test the relationship." However, the Christian perspective views marriage not as a contract to be tested, but as a sacred, permanent covenant established by God.
Because of the high standards set for both sexual conduct and covenant commitment in the Bible, most Christians and biblical ethicists strongly discourage cohabitation before marriage.
Main: Three Reasons Cohabitation Conflicts with Biblical Ethics
Though the Bible doesn't mention "apartment leasing," its principles regarding purity, temptation, and commitment directly challenge the practice of unmarried couples living together.
1. The Mandate for Sexual Purity
The most immediate and critical ethical challenge of cohabitation is the creation of a powerful environment for sexual sin.
Flee from Immorality: The Bible repeatedly commands Christians to flee sexual immorality (fornication), which is defined as any sexual activity outside the bounds of marriage. Paul warns: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).
Creating Constant Temptation: When an unmarried man and woman live together, they intentionally place themselves into a situation of intense, daily, and constant temptation that makes maintaining sexual purity extremely difficult, if not impossible. The Bible teaches us to avoid placing unnecessary stumbling blocks in our path.
2. Avoiding the Appearance of Evil
Christian conduct is meant to be a testimony to the world. Cohabitation, even if the couple is successfully remaining sexually pure, damages this witness.
The Witness of Conduct: Paul commands believers to "abstain from every form of evil" (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Living together sends a powerful public message that the couple is likely engaging in sexual activity, which destroys the witness of sexual purity the Church is called to uphold.
Causing Others to Stumble: An unmarried Christian couple living together can cause younger or newer believers to think cohabitation is acceptable, leading them into temptation and sin.
3. Devaluing the Covenant of Marriage
Cohabitation treats the marital covenant as temporary or optional, diminishing its sacred, permanent status.
Commitment vs. Trial Run: Marriage is meant to be a permanent, public, and unconditional commitment where two people become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Cohabitation, by design, treats the relationship as a "trial run" with an easy exit, thus lacking the permanent, sacrificial commitment required by God.
Lack of Security: Studies consistently show that cohabitation often leads to poorer relational outcomes, partly because it lacks the formal, public, legal, and spiritual security of marriage. The biblical design provides this security, which is essential for healthy family formation.
Conclusion
The underlying biblical principle is this: Christians should not enjoy the intimate privileges of marriage (living together, shared finances, mutual emotional dependence) without making the public, lifelong commitment of marriage that protects those privileges and honors God.
If a Christian couple is ready to live together, they should first make the covenant commitment to one another before God and witnesses through marriage.
