What are the Main Duties of a Husband and Wife in a Christian Marriage?
Introduction
More Than a Contract, It's a Covenant Welcome, friend! The question of duties in a Christian marriage is foundational. To the world, marriage is a contract: a 50/50 division of labor.
To a Christian, marriage is a covenant—a sacred, lifelong agreement designed by God to reflect the relationship between Christ and His Church. Therefore, the biblical marriage roles of husband and wife are not burdensome rules; they are distinct, complementary callings to self-giving love that bring harmony and holiness to the home.
The primary source for these duties is found in the New Testament book of Ephesians.
Unlocking Godly Unity Through Distinct Roles
The Husband's Role: Sacrificial Leadership (The Christ Model)
The Bible commands the husband to the more difficult task: leading through sacrifice, just as Christ led the Church. His duty is defined by an active, costly, and selfless love (agape).
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy…” (Ephesians 5:25-26)
The husband's spiritual and practical duties are centered on this model of love:
Servant Leadership: He is called to initiate spiritual investments (praying for, teaching, and leading the family toward God) and make decisions that prioritize his wife's holiness and well-being over his own comfort or self-interest.
Cherishing and Nourishing: He must actively care for his wife, protecting her emotionally, financially, and spiritually. The command to "nourish and cherish" her as he does his own body (Ephesians 5:29) means being present, attentive, and deeply respectful.
Protection and Provision: He is the designated protector of the home, committed to faithfully providing for the needs of his family.
2. The Wife's Role: Respectful Partnership (The Church Model)
The wife is called to a reciprocal duty that is essential for unity and effectiveness. Her duty is defined by voluntary, cooperative respect for her husband's position of leadership.
“…However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)
The wife's duties are centered on supporting, honoring, and building up her husband and home:
Voluntary Support: She is called to be the husband’s helper (ezer), a term used in Genesis that signifies a powerful and indispensable partner. She supports his vision and leadership, working alongside him to achieve the family's mission.
Cultivating Respect: She is specifically commanded to respect her husband. Respect is often a man's deepest emotional need, just as love is a woman's. Her duty is to express this honor and appreciation, especially when it is difficult.
Home-Building: The wife is often the chief architect of the home’s culture, diligently managing the household and cultivating a spirit of peace and godliness (Proverbs 31).
3. The Overarching Duty: Mutual Submission and Unity
While the specific commands are distinct, the foundation of a Christian marriage is shared mutual love and submission. Paul prefaces the husband/wife roles with this command:
“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
Both spouses share the ultimate duties:
Mutual Service: Both are called to submit their own desires to serve the other, laying down their lives in daily acts of kindness, forgiveness, and service.
Unwavering Faithfulness: Absolute sexual fidelity and commitment to the covenant is required of both husband and wife.
Joint Discipleship: They share the task of raising godly children (Deuteronomy 6:6-7) and praying for, and extending grace to, each other constantly.
Conclusion
The Power of Grace in Roles The beauty of the Christian model is that no one is expected to fulfill these roles perfectly. Marriage is the workshop of sanctification, a place where our imperfections are constantly exposed.
When a husband fails to love sacrificially, and when a wife struggles to give respect, they must turn to Christ, repent, and extend the same boundless grace to one another that Christ has extended to them. The strength of your marriage comes not from your human effort, but from the Gospel lived out daily.
