Is Formal Marriage Really Necessary?

Introduction

While secular society often views marriage as an optional formality or a simple legal contract, the Bible defines marriage as a sacred, lifelong covenant established by God.

For a Christian couple, simply living together (cohabitation) fails to meet this covenantal standard, primarily because it lacks the public, permanent commitment that God requires for intimate union.

1. The Divine Design: Covenant, Not Contract

Marriage is foundational to the biblical narrative, established by God as the exclusive context for sexual intimacy and the raising of a family.

• The Public Covenant: Marriage is fundamentally a public, formal, and legal declaration of a lifelong commitment. This public covenant is what creates the "one flesh" union, providing the necessary protection and stability for the individuals and any future children. Living together is a private agreement that can be broken easily, lacking this ultimate commitment.

  • Scripture Says: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24). The act of leaving, uniting, and becoming one flesh is a public, legal, and spiritual process.

• Avoiding Sexual Immorality: As discussed in a previous lesson, the Bible uses the term porneia (sexual immorality) to condemn all sexual activity outside of the marriage covenant. Cohabitation is often practiced as a form of "trial marriage" or convenience, but engaging in sex within this arrangement is still defined as fornication because the public, spiritual covenant has not been established.

  • Scripture Says: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." (Hebrews 13:4). Honoring marriage requires entering into it formally and publicly.

2. Why Cohabitation Fails the Covenant Test

The social practice of living together often conflicts with the spiritual requirements of marriage, even if the couple feels "committed."

• Lacking Permanence: The commitment level in cohabitation is fundamentally different. Studies show that couples who live together before marriage tend to have higher divorce rates, a phenomenon sometimes called the "cohabitation effect." From a biblical perspective, this is because cohabitation focuses on a conditional arrangement ("I'll stay as long as this works") rather than the unconditional vow ("until death do us part") that truly binds a covenant.

• The Stumbling Block: For Christian couples, living together before marriage can be a stumbling block to other believers and can compromise their Christian witness to the world. It presents an image of compromise regarding the biblical standard of purity.

  • Scripture Says: "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." (Romans 14:13).

3. The Christian Mandate: Purity and Commitment

The Christian is called to prioritize God's design over cultural trends, upholding a high standard of purity and commitment.

• The Call to Purity: For the unmarried Christian, the mandate is to practice self-control and pursue holiness in all areas of life, including sexuality. Reserving intimacy for marriage is a key part of this obedience.

  • Scripture Says: "It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality... that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable." (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4).

• Commitment as Worship: By getting married, the couple is not simply pleasing the government or their family; they are worshiping God by obeying His design and publicly declaring their covenantal intent to love each other unconditionally.

Conclusion

For a Christian couple, marriage is necessary and is the only righteous context for living together and engaging in sexual intimacy. Cohabitation falls short of the covenantal standard because it lacks the public, permanent, and unconditional commitment required by God.

By choosing marriage, the couple honors God's design, protects their purity, and establishes a secure foundation for their lifelong one flesh union.