How do I know if I’ve found “the one”?
Introduction
This is arguably the most common and anxiety-producing question in modern Christian dating! The idea of "The One"—a single, perfect soul mate designed specifically for you by God, whom you must find or risk lifelong loneliness—is a romantic concept, but it is not a biblical one.
The Bible places the emphasis not on finding a perfect person, but on choosing a godly person and becoming a perfect partner through lifelong commitment. The real question is not, "How do I know if I’ve found the one?" but "How do I make a wise, godly choice for a spouse with whom I can build a Christ-centered marriage?"
Three Steps to a Godly Choice
Instead of looking for a mystical feeling, a Christian makes a decision for marriage based on three reliable, biblical steps: Spiritual Foundation, Practical Compatibility, and Mutual Commitment.
1. The Foundation: Is Your Faith Aligned?
The first and most non-negotiable step is to ensure that the potential spouse shares your ultimate devotion to Jesus Christ.
Unequally Yoked: The Bible strongly warns against being "unequally yoked" in marriage. “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Marriage is meant to be a partnership that spurs both partners toward Christ. If you are deeply committed to following Christ and your partner is not, your lives are fundamentally moving in different directions, making true spiritual unity impossible.
Shared Direction: You must both be heading in the same direction: seeking God’s will. This is more important than identical interests. The question is not just, "Is this person a Christian?" but "Is this person actively pursuing Christ?"
2. The Check: Seek Wisdom and Counsel
A good choice for marriage is never made in isolation or based purely on fleeting romantic emotion. You must actively seek external confirmation.
Prayer and Peace: Bring the person and the decision before God in sustained prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit for the peace that confirms wise decisions (Philippians 4:7) and the wisdom to see clearly (James 1:5).
The Counsel of Others: The intense emotional attachment in dating can blind you to red flags. You need objective, godly people—your parents, mentors, or spiritual leaders—to speak into your decision. “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14, NKJV). If several wise, Christ-centered people express genuine concern, you must take it seriously.
Observe Character: Look for evidence of Christ-like character, not just charisma. Does this person treat their family well? Are they humble when wrong? Do they handle money responsibly? Do they forgive? The fruit of the Spirit is the best predictor of a godly partner (Galatians 5:22-23).
3. The Choice: The Power of Covenant
Ultimately, you know you’ve found "the one" when you decide to commit to them and, with God's help, you covenant to make them the one for life.
Marriage Creates "The One": Marriage is the vehicle through which two people are supernaturally united by God. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). The act of covenanting before God and man makes that person your "one."
The Power of Commitment: It is not a mystical connection that holds a marriage together; it is the unwavering choice of commitment, especially on the days when feelings fade. Choose a partner you can commit to, and then commit to them every single day.
Conclusion
Let go of the fear that you might miss some pre-assigned "one." God is a loving Father who guides the steps of His children (Psalm 37:23).
As long as you prioritize spiritual alignment, seek wise counsel, and are willing to commit to your chosen partner, you can be confident that you are walking in the area of God's will where He has given you freedom to choose.
Trust His guidance, choose wisely, and then rely on Him to bless the covenant you make.
