Could a child be damaged by living with two same-sex parents and assume it is the normal family structure?
Introduction
This question touches on the concept of "normalcy"—what a child views as the standard or ideal family structure. For a Christian, the normative ideal is the traditional family, reflecting the union of male and female. The concern is that if the child internalizes the non-traditional structure as the only normal one, it could potentially confuse their gender identity or future relational choices.
However, the ethical evaluation must distinguish between the theological ideal and the practical reality of child development and love.
Main: Three Points on Development and Norms
The Christian response should be informed by the biblical priority of nurture and the reality of how children perceive the world.
1. The Ideal vs. The Actual
The Bible presents the male-female union as the created ideal for family, but it also acknowledges that most children are not raised in this ideal.
The Reality of Brokenness: A huge portion of children worldwide are raised in single-parent homes, by grandparents, in blended families, or in institutions—all of which deviate from the Edenic ideal. The Church's ethical focus must be on reducing the harm caused by brokenness and ensuring the child receives love and security.
The Nurture Priority: God's command to fathers is to bring up children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). This emphasis on nurture and intentional teaching is the central command for Christian parenting, not merely the gender composition of the parents.
2. Social Science on Child Well-Being
Research across major child welfare and psychological organizations consistently concludes that parental sexual orientation does not negatively impact a child’s well-being, adjustment, or academic performance.
Key Factors: Studies emphasize that the factors most critical to a child's success are the same across all family types: parental skills, stability, love, financial security, and commitment to the child. A child's psychological health is primarily shaped by the quality of the parent-child relationship.
Gender Identity: Research has found no reliable evidence that being raised by same-sex parents makes children any more likely to identify as gay or lesbian than children raised by heterosexual parents. A child's inherent gender identity (male or female) is not determined by the parents' sexual orientation.
3. Normalcy is Contextual, Not Universal
A child's view of "normal" is initially shaped by their home life, but it rapidly expands to include the world around them.
Family Norm: A child raised in a same-sex household will view that structure as "normal for my family," which is a simple statement of fact. This is the same for a child raised by a single mother, an interracial couple, or in an extended family unit.
External Norms: Children quickly learn that other family forms exist through school, media, friends, and the Church. If the child is taught respect and tolerance for difference, their view of their own family doesn't need to lead to confusion or damage.
The Church's Role: The Church's ethical duty is to teach the biblical ideal (Genesis 2:24) clearly and lovingly, but also to teach compassion and dignity toward all people, regardless of their family structure.
Conclusion
Could a child assume a same-sex household is normal? Yes, in the context of their own family. Could they be damaged by it? Social science and Christian ethics prioritizing security and love suggest that the risk of damage is minimal, provided the home is stable and loving.
The ethical focus for the Christian remains on James 1:27: ensuring that children are rescued from the devastating harm of neglect, abuse, and instability, which are the true dangers to a child's development.
